"Is there anything I can do to help?"

When this first happened, I couldn't count the number of people who expressed a desire to be of help, as this post is titled. At the time, I had no idea if I needed help and if so, what kind. I needed my wife back, that's what I needed..."Help with that if you can", I thought. Now that I've lived a little over a month with stroke in my life, I have a clearer perspective than at the first.

Our home situation is unique in that we have live-in family. Our son Tim, his wife Veronica, and their two children: Jordan, 17 and Jonny, 14 have been with us since we bought our present home, five years ago. That's a different story, but it has worked out for us quite well...and now it is a godsend.

I often would tell people: "We're like the Waltons (a 70's TV series) and I'm the grandpa." Funny thing: in the TV show, Ellen Corby, the actress who played the Grandma, had a stroke, just like Bettie's: speech impeded somewhat and right side partially paralyzed. She was off the show for a time, then came back, stroke and all. Her role on the show only lasted another couple of years, but she lived 20 more years after the stroke. Will Geer, the actor who played Grandpa, died within a year after her return to the show. (Hope we're not like the Waltons in that regard.)

I mention the home situation only to make the point that what I say here about the need for help and support is being met for me by live-in family.

But if you know of another couple where a spouse has suffered stroke, the unaffected mate needs help immediately. They want to spend every possible minute at the hospital for those first few weeks. This means home meals, lunches for work, house and yard maintenance, car servicing...all the things that take time away from being with the loved one are opportunities to be of service. If you are inclined to be of help, don't ask "Is there anything I can do?". Just pick something and say "I'm going to ...." and then do it.

Once the stroke patient is home, I don't think one person could possibly provide safe and responsible care. If there is no family or other support network, then a live-in facility is probably the only reasonable option.

If you find yourself in that situation (and you should not think "It can't happen to me") your choices for providing that level of care are: be rich or have long term care insurance. Think about it...this is not something you want to try at home...alone.